DC Assholes & Zombies

Two gems for the day.

1) Earlier this evening while on our way into the city, Noah fell today on a non-working escalator (go figure) and red-line commuters practically stampeded him because they OBVIOUSLY had someplace important to be and couldn't stop for a pesky 4-year-old.

Hours later, our convo went like this:
N: "Mommy, my leg still hurts. Why did someone step on me?
Me: "It was an accident."
N: "I would have helped someone if they fell."
Me: "I know sweetie. That's because you have better manners than most adults."
N: "I don't want to be an adult. They're rude."
 

2.) Then on the way home, he made a lovely observation:
"There are so many cracks in the ground! That means zombies are trying to get to us! Hurrrrry, run to the car!!!!!!"

Noah's Smarter Than a Librarian....

I love the HCLS (Howard County Library System) for many reasons. They always have amazing, free programs for kids that (usually) teach them about exciting, new places and cultures and are always pretty fun. Each week, we've gone around the world and the kids are transported to a new country. A couple weeks ago, it was France, next week - China and this week was Kenya.

Too bad the librarian this week was geographically challenged and Noah called her out. She had Ethiopian currency, not Kenyan and said "same difference." Then, she pointed to South America instead of Africa. Common mistake? Once she landed on the right continent, she pointed to Nigeria, Tanzania and then finally, Noah helped her out and said:

"Kenya is right next to Somalia. See the horn?!?! My mommy's friend walked from Kenya to Somalia once. She went to help save people from bad guys."
(She actually flew, but same difference right?) I really wish I had gotten that on video, it would have been priceless. All the mommie's in the room were dying laughing.

Lesson to be learned: You don't have to be an expert in everything, but my word, do a little research prep before you teach a class. Because you may not be able to get over on little kids. They're smart.

 

 The kids ended by counting to ten and singing greetings in Swahili. Such a big personality....

Noah the dietician

The other night we were out celebrating our awesome roommate's dinner when Noah didn't want to finish his banana:

Noah: "Daddy, did you eat a fruit today?"
Me: "Yes Noah. I had an apple this morning."
Noah: "Well you need to eat more than one fruit."
Me: "Do I?"
Noah: "Yes, you need to eat at least two fruits a day. Now eat the rest of my banana."

What choice did I have with such sound dietary advice. Granted then Noah went on to have two pieces of birthday cake.  

   

Kids Call it Like They See it....

While out back this morning:

Noah: "Mommy, why is our neighbors yard so weedy?"
Me: "I don't know babe, maybe she doesn't have a mower."
Noah: "We should get her one. Her yard looks really awful."

I mean really, ours is no prize either considering all the sod we laid last year died, but at least we don't have 3 foot weeds....

Who Has a Ticklish Penis and Doesn't Think Bad Behavior Should Be Rewarded?

Today, on the way home from a play date, we took the scenic route with hills as opposed to the highway. You know when you're driving downhill or on a roller coaster and you get that weird feeling/sensation in your abdomen? Or in Noah's case, his penis.....


Noah: "Mommy, these hills are tickling my penis!!!"
Me: "What?!?!"
Noah: "The hills. Or the car. I don't know but it's making my penis tickly and prickly."

I almost crashed into a tree I was laughing so hard. I had no idea how to respond.

Then, tonight after dinner, I gave him dessert - a small slice of vanilla pound cake...

Noah: "Mommy, I get a whole piece?!? Why? I wasn't that good of a listener today."
Me: "I think you were fine, when were you not a good listener?"
Noah: "At (*I's) house. You told me to clean up and I whined. That wasn't nice so I shouldn't really get cake. Next time, I should go on time out." (he states this with his mouth full, half the cake devoured....

Noah today with *I

 

 

 

*Not actual name, duh.

I Got Called Out on my Cleanliness OCD...

Yeah so it's been a while since we've posted new Noahethanisms. Trust me, it's not because he hasn't been Mr. Sassy pants, rather we've been too lazy.


Today, Noah gave me a very matter-of-fact parenting lesson...

Mommy: "Noah, did you feed Count Dooku today?" (The beta fish whose name changes every week)
Noah: "Hmm, I don't think so. I thought you did."
Mommy: "I didn't. So feed him please. And don't make a mess."
Noah: "Mommy, sometimes kids make messes. And it's OK because accidents happen. OK?"

Because everyone goes to law school after 2nd grade...

From the desk of Ms. Lindsey:

"When I am an adult, I will have a laptop and a sister."

"When I'm 6, I go to 1st grade. When I'm 7, I go to 2nd grade. Then you have to go to law school."


Well he is a little book worm, and carries books/journals almost everywhere...