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Mommy, the Janitor

From Wednesday Night:

N: "Mommy, whats a Janitor?"
M: "It's someone who cleans things up and maintains buildings. Like schools or offices. Why?"
N: "B* peed the carpet today at school and the Janitor came in and had to clean the carpet. We couldn't play on the rug anymore. So if Janitors clean stuff, are you a janitor? You clean all the time."

World Affairs According to Noah

Noah spent a couple hours with his grandfather today and it made for interesting conversation during snack time.

*Update: Check out the identical bomb dropping reenactment below.

Noah: "Mommy, this is my tank for the government of Olivia."
Me: "What are you talking about Noah?
Noah: "The government is turning bad, so they're fighting. This is my tank."
Me: "Oh, you mean Libya? Were you watching the news with Pop-pop?"
Noah: "No, it's Olivia. And we watched the news. A lot. Bombs are falling from planes. Lego tank to the rescue."

Noah: "This ones the plane, OK?"
Me: "OK. So, those are your tanks?"
Noah: "Yep. This is how the bomb works. *sound effects* Explode."

Sounds like a monster

While driving in the car today with Noah and his friend, the following conversation transpired

Noah: "Daddy, what song is this?"
Me: "It's called - 5 Year Winter by ZAO"
Noah: "Why does he sound like a monster?"
Me: "That is just the way he sings."
Noah's friend: "He does sound like a monster!"
Noah: "Daddy, is he a mad monster?"
Me: "No, he is not"
song ends
Noah: "I am glad the monster is quiet now."
Noah's friend: "Yeah, me too."
Noah: "Can we hear another monster song?"

DC Assholes & Zombies

Two gems for the day.

1) Earlier this evening while on our way into the city, Noah fell today on a non-working escalator (go figure) and red-line commuters practically stampeded him because they OBVIOUSLY had someplace important to be and couldn't stop for a pesky 4-year-old.

Hours later, our convo went like this:
N: "Mommy, my leg still hurts. Why did someone step on me?
Me: "It was an accident."
N: "I would have helped someone if they fell."
Me: "I know sweetie. That's because you have better manners than most adults."
N: "I don't want to be an adult. They're rude."
 

2.) Then on the way home, he made a lovely observation:
"There are so many cracks in the ground! That means zombies are trying to get to us! Hurrrrry, run to the car!!!!!!"

Noah's Smarter Than a Librarian....

I love the HCLS (Howard County Library System) for many reasons. They always have amazing, free programs for kids that (usually) teach them about exciting, new places and cultures and are always pretty fun. Each week, we've gone around the world and the kids are transported to a new country. A couple weeks ago, it was France, next week - China and this week was Kenya.

Too bad the librarian this week was geographically challenged and Noah called her out. She had Ethiopian currency, not Kenyan and said "same difference." Then, she pointed to South America instead of Africa. Common mistake? Once she landed on the right continent, she pointed to Nigeria, Tanzania and then finally, Noah helped her out and said:

"Kenya is right next to Somalia. See the horn?!?! My mommy's friend walked from Kenya to Somalia once. She went to help save people from bad guys."
(She actually flew, but same difference right?) I really wish I had gotten that on video, it would have been priceless. All the mommie's in the room were dying laughing.

Lesson to be learned: You don't have to be an expert in everything, but my word, do a little research prep before you teach a class. Because you may not be able to get over on little kids. They're smart.

 

 The kids ended by counting to ten and singing greetings in Swahili. Such a big personality....

Noah the dietician

The other night we were out celebrating our awesome roommate's dinner when Noah didn't want to finish his banana:

Noah: "Daddy, did you eat a fruit today?"
Me: "Yes Noah. I had an apple this morning."
Noah: "Well you need to eat more than one fruit."
Me: "Do I?"
Noah: "Yes, you need to eat at least two fruits a day. Now eat the rest of my banana."

What choice did I have with such sound dietary advice. Granted then Noah went on to have two pieces of birthday cake.  

   

Kids Call it Like They See it....

While out back this morning:

Noah: "Mommy, why is our neighbors yard so weedy?"
Me: "I don't know babe, maybe she doesn't have a mower."
Noah: "We should get her one. Her yard looks really awful."

I mean really, ours is no prize either considering all the sod we laid last year died, but at least we don't have 3 foot weeds....

Who Has a Ticklish Penis and Doesn't Think Bad Behavior Should Be Rewarded?

Today, on the way home from a play date, we took the scenic route with hills as opposed to the highway. You know when you're driving downhill or on a roller coaster and you get that weird feeling/sensation in your abdomen? Or in Noah's case, his penis.....


Noah: "Mommy, these hills are tickling my penis!!!"
Me: "What?!?!"
Noah: "The hills. Or the car. I don't know but it's making my penis tickly and prickly."

I almost crashed into a tree I was laughing so hard. I had no idea how to respond.

Then, tonight after dinner, I gave him dessert - a small slice of vanilla pound cake...

Noah: "Mommy, I get a whole piece?!? Why? I wasn't that good of a listener today."
Me: "I think you were fine, when were you not a good listener?"
Noah: "At (*I's) house. You told me to clean up and I whined. That wasn't nice so I shouldn't really get cake. Next time, I should go on time out." (he states this with his mouth full, half the cake devoured....

Noah today with *I

 

 

 

*Not actual name, duh.

I Got Called Out on my Cleanliness OCD...

Yeah so it's been a while since we've posted new Noahethanisms. Trust me, it's not because he hasn't been Mr. Sassy pants, rather we've been too lazy.


Today, Noah gave me a very matter-of-fact parenting lesson...

Mommy: "Noah, did you feed Count Dooku today?" (The beta fish whose name changes every week)
Noah: "Hmm, I don't think so. I thought you did."
Mommy: "I didn't. So feed him please. And don't make a mess."
Noah: "Mommy, sometimes kids make messes. And it's OK because accidents happen. OK?"

Because everyone goes to law school after 2nd grade...

From the desk of Ms. Lindsey:

"When I am an adult, I will have a laptop and a sister."

"When I'm 6, I go to 1st grade. When I'm 7, I go to 2nd grade. Then you have to go to law school."


Well he is a little book worm, and carries books/journals almost everywhere...

What do Ryan Gosling and sign langauge have in common?

Every night before bed, Noah picks out a book and a song. The following conversation took place this evening:

Noah: "Mommy, I want my song to be Dead Man's Bones. But I have a question. Do kids in Congo have Signing Time videos?"
Me: "Um, I'm not sure. Probably not though."
Noah: "Maybe I can share mine with them. I think they would really like Alex and Leah. All kids should know sign language. It's neat."

Kids say the most random things.

"Mommy, look, there's an 'N' on my face!!"

Noah successfully managed to get a scar in the shape of his initial. His epic fail spill turned out to be a win!

And completely unrelated news, even Noah knows that if it's not on Facebook, it doesn't exist...
Yesterday's NoahEthanism:
"Daddy, I made a really cool dinosaur for you today at the Science Center but I forgot to put it on Facebook."

Slow motion face plant in the sand

It's the moment that stays with you forever. It's happened to all of us. When you're playing, being careless, free and probably a little daring. Then the inevitable happens. In slow motion, you realize you are about to f@*% yourself up. You're mid air, about to fall hard onto an unwelcoming surface and the impact will leave scars for weeks, perhaps years. In my case, a lifetime. I will never forget riding my sisters bike with my favorite cabbage patch doll tucked into the front of my pants --her bike didn't have a basket. I was flying downhill, had no helmet on, ran over a rock and went flying. In slow motion, I swear, my short life flashed before my eyes. I luckily endured no head injuries, just had scrapes and bruises on every surface of my body. Noah sometimes asks where the scars on my knees came from and I tell him about 'my moment'. Well today, he had his own moment.

We were at the park with his cousin Gabe and they had been playing on the swings trying to see who could go higher. I've told Noah numerous times not to jump off of swings while it's still moving, but who am I to tell a 4-year old what to do?

I was finishing up notes on a conference call I had just ended and was too busy writing/brainstorming to react quickly to the situation. By the time I noticed, it was too late. Noah was in the air, about to hit the sand and I was there in time for him to pick up his sand covered/bloody face from the ground. He couldn't get his tears out because he was choking/blinded by sand. Once he started bawling, is it terrible that I wanted to laugh? I felt so bad that he was hurt, but really, it was just a funny sight. Maybe I'm a terrible mom, whatev. His knees and elbows were scrapped, but his face took the brunt of the fall.

I calmed him down, poured my water all over his head/face and used my (favorite) Copeland shirt I was wearing as a washcloth. See, I'm not that bad. I think he was more scared than anything, but once all the blood/sand was gone and a 20 minute meltdown, he was fine. When he got home and saw his face he cried and said, "Ewww, I look like a monster!!!!" I told him he just looked like a little boy.

Tonight, after bath, the bruising set in and the entire right side of his face is swollen and purpleish. All of this today made me realize that Noah has never really been hurt before. A tiny scratch here and there, but nothing to write home about. Lets hope we can get out of childhood without a hospital visit......

Good to know even in sweatpants, I'm still loved.

I wore a dress yesterday welcoming the official start of beautiful weather. Noah was a big fan. Today, he loved my denim capris even more and kept touching them before I left the house this morning saying they were "sooo soft!"

This evening after dinner:
Noah: "Mommy, even though you aren't in pretty clothes anymore, you're still really beautiful."

So sweet, just like his dad!

Below are my "soooo soft" capris and some of my wonderful AAUW coworkers commemorating denim day.

Great way to start the day

So every morning, I wake up and make myself breakfast and most of the time, I make Noah's too. So this morning the following conversation took place.

Noah: "Daddy, is this juice old?"
Me: "Noah, I think that is from yesterday. It's a juice packet, so it's ok to drink."
Noah: "We don't drink old juice, like really old juice."
Me: "No, we do not drink really old juice."
Noah: "Daddy, you are really old."
Me: (Laughing) "Thank you, Noah."

NoahEthanOverload

So it's been more than a WEEK since the last post, and boy, what a week it has been. This post is going to be an over abundance of NoahEthanisms that I will forget if I don't pour them out right now....


From this evening while getting a hair cut (yes, those are 3 inch curls getting hacked)
Noah: "Mommy, I want Indi's hair." (His BFF with straight, blonde hair)
Me: "You can't have his hair. You have your hair and it's lovely and curly."
Noah: "But I want straight hair."
Me: "Well you can't have it."
Noah: "Then cut all my hair off!"

Today: Science Center & lunch with Krysta
Noah: "I love Krysta. And I love Panera."
Me: "Good. Did you have fun today? What was your favorite part?"
Noah: "Panera with Krysta. Can she hang out with us everyday?"
Me: "Well sweetie, she can't. She has a life and things to do."
Noah: "Do you not have a life? Is that why you spend so much time with me?"

Thursday: Planned Parenthood rally
Noah: "Mommy, I want a sign."
Me: "Noah, the sign is about boobs, and you don't have any."
Noah: "But you do. And I used to use them."

Wednesday: Babysitting Amelie
Noah: "I love Amelie. Can we keep her?"
Me: "She's not ours to keep. And Indi (her brother) would miss her."
Noah: "But I promise to take care of her and feed her and stuff."
Me: "Noah, she's not a pet. She's a baby."

Tuesday: One Day Without Shoes
Noah: "I want to go without shoes because lots of kids don't have them. Can I give them mine?"
Me: "That's very sweet of you. But if you give away all your shoes, what will you wear?"
Noah: "Socks. I have plenty of them."

Monday: Our picnic at the lake
Noah: "It's so nice out, I want to go swimming!"
Mommy: "You don't want to get in that water, it's pretty dirty."
Noah: "Mom, it's water. Even if it's dirty, you will still get clean."
Mommy: "Don't call me mom, I'm mommy."
Noah: "Whatever you say, mom [laughs]."

Keeping priorities straight...

Jamie: "My head hurts Noah."
Noah: "Well daddy, you should stop and rest it. Then we can go to Chic-fil-A."

Noah knows that Chic-fil-A = ice cream.

Time to rock out....

So it's the day before a big trip and I need to do laundry, clean and pack. Days like these don't come around often but when they do, Noah needs to keep himself busy.

Noah + iPod with his favorite playlist full of randomness = lots of hilarious footage...

Once he's sick of Taking Back Sunday, he moves on to Atom & His Package..
Noah: "I want to listen to 'Punk Rock Academy.' Ok?"
Me: "Ok."

Then, I spied him spinning himself into oblivion to Arcade Fire... Enjoy

Music snob since birth

This was an exchange Noah and I had over the weekend. With music taste like this and having been born to "You Have My Attention" by Copeland, Noah will truly be able to say he has been a music snob since birth! Score one for the parents!

Noah: "Daddy, can we not listen to Jonah (one line drawing) for the goodnight song""
Daddy: "Sure, Noah. What would you like to listen to?"
Noah: "Boombox head."
Daddy: "Do you mean Radiohead?"
Noah: "Yes, Radiohead."

I think. Therefore, I am.

Mommy: "Lets do a puzzle!"
Noah: "No thanks. I'd rather look out the window, it's really pretty out."
Mommy: "Want to go outside?"
Noah: "No. Just look from the window, thanks."

World travler. Period.

From the desk of Mrs. Lindsey:

Noah: "One day my mommy and daddy are going to take me to Europe...Congo...California...Alaska...Paris...."

I'm an artist, duh.

Noah: Daddy who am I?
Daddy: I don't know. Who are you?
Noah: I am Picasso.

How resourceful!

Noah: "Daddy always buys you flowers but I don't have a money, so I made you some out of legos. Here."

Me: "Aww Noah that's so sweet of you, thanks!"
Noah: "I want to show them to daddy. What's his number so I can text him?"

Did you ever wonder what Darth Vader eats?

Noah: "Daddy, what does Darth Vader eat?"
Me: "Well he eats Protein shakes and spinach salads."
Noah: "No he doesn't Daddy. He is too much machine to eat that."
Me: "Well then, what does he eat?"
Noah: "Jedis."

Can a house have too many corners?

Noah: "Daddy, the house has too many corners."
Me: "Why is that Noah?"
Noah: "It does. We need a new house."
Me: "Well, how many corners does the house have?"
Noah: "60. Let me count them. 1, 2. 3, 4. ......20....30. See Daddy, too many corners."

Punctuality is important...

Noah: "Mommy, I need to have an important meeting!"
Me: "Really?"
Noah: "Yes! It's about my light saber. Round up all of my animals please, they need to be on time for it!"

I guess parents are to blame for an inflated ego...

Mommy: "That's a cool Lego ship, Noah!"
Noah: "Stooop, you don't have to say that!"
Mommy: "Why? I'm just giving you a compliment."
Noah: "Because....I already know how awesome I am."

Noah yoga and a one armed scissor

These are two great Noaheathisms from December of 2010. They are worthy of a good laugh if you need one today.

1. Noah Yoga

Noah: "Daddy I want to teach you yoga."
Me:  "Ok, Noah."
Noah: "See that's yoga!"
Me: "Noah, that is a forward role."
Noah: "No, that is how you do my yoga."

2. Are one armed scissors bad?
Me: "Noah, do you want to listen to Matt Pond?"
Noah: "No, I want something cooler. I want something that sounds like a robot."
Me: "How about this"
Noah: "What is this song?"
Me: "One Armed Scissor by At The Drive In."
Noah: "Daddy, are they bad?"
Me: "No, they ae really good"
Noah: "Then why are they singing bad."
Me: laughed for a good two minutes
 

Not once, not twice but thrice....

 This is now the third time Noah has referenced the DRC. Today, it happened as he was flying around his Lego airplane with Star Wars action figures in tow:

Noah: "Mommy the good guys are on their way to fight the bad guys."
Mommy: "Really? Where are the off to?"
Noah: "Umm that place where all the bad guys are. Where is it again? Oh yeah, Congo. They're off to fight the bad guys in Congo."

Everyone likes Noah

Noah spends a couple days a week with an awesome woman named Ms. Lindsey. Luckily, she also keeps up with his funny statements....

From Lindsey: Noah told met to write "Dear Mommy, I have been a good boy all the time."

Noah: "Camden (Lindsey's son) always likes me."
Lindsey: "Everyone likes Noah."
Noah: "Everyone execpt Xavier."
Lindsey: "Who is Xavier?"
Noah: "My friend that says potty words."

Spider Man and Barack Obama

Noah - "Daddy, spider man is white."
Me - "Yes, he is Noah."
Noah - "He is also red and blue when he puts on his costume."
Me - "Right again Noah."
Noah - "You are white, and mommy is black, and I am black and white just like Barack Obama."
Me (laughing) - "You are awesome Noah."

Columbus never said sorry

February 6th -
Noah - "Xavier said pink is an icky color
Mommy - "What does Noahethan think?"
Noah - " I think pink is pretty, and mommy is beautiful, and daddy is awesome"

February 7th
Noah - "Mill you play with me?"
Me - "Yes noah"
Noah -"Ok, we need to bring the ATAT in here to fight those two small ships"
Me - "Noah the ATAT doesn't belong in Mommy and Daddy's bedroom"
Noah "Yes it does"

February 7th - Classic!
Noah - "Daddy what do they say at the end of the Rudolph song?"
Me - "You will go down in history, like Columbus."
Noah - "Daddy, do you know Columbus was a bad person, and he killed a lot of people"
Me - "Yes, Noah I do."
Noah - "But daddy he didn't even say sorry"

Poop letters and magic gender changing wands

Today:
Mommy - "Noah that piece of poop is as big as you"
Noah - "Yes it is, and it's shaped like an "S".

It's freakin awesome having our son see letters in everything, especially poop!

Yesterday:
Noah - "I have no clue on how the rest of this fits together. I know what will work - teamwork!"


Last week:
Noah - "When I am big, you were in my belly and you ate my food. I ate chicken and salmon and all the healthy stuff so you were healthy."
Mommy - "Noah I can't be in  your belly, boys can't have babies."
Noah - "Well I had a magic wand, and turn myself into a girl."

Magic wands change everything

Best PSA ever!

Noah - "Mommy, Auntie never dies."
Mommy - "Why would you say that? No she does not die."
Noah - "Well she smokes all the time, and it's bad for you and kills you"

Best PSA ever!

Two in one day

Two Noahethanism's for the day.
1. Noah to Mommy this morning - "I don't feel adjusted, I think it's my throat."
2. Noah to me this evening - "Daddy your head is too big, I can't see around it."